What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
