why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
