considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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