you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
