WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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