my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
