If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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