Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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