Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
