Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
