I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
