hotel room ftw
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
