As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize