I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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