We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
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That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
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You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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