I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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