So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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