peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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