omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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