I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
