Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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