It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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