how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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