I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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