Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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