sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
