Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you win again, gameday.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
