I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
