new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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