I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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