need another drink. this is the easiest way
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
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yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
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He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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