i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
