He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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