I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize