took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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