he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
it's not cheating when I paid for it
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
