when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
