All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
