I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
