i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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