I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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