ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
