At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
