ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
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HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
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It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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