Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
