I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
it's great music for shaving your balls
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
