apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we're making bets on your personal life
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
