He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize