i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
