How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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