I faked an abortion last night.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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