it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
