anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
