Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
