Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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