i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
