Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
