That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
