I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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